Moral of the story: First person attempts stink in this game...

(Why can't I quit laughing?)

Okay, y'all are invited to Tahiti, to a little bar near the beach called "Lucky's".
All the drinks have umbrellas, the sunscreen is on the house, the Black Velvet Elvis painting that our proprietress stole from Billy's is doubling as a dart board, and Condolezza Schwartz plays on the jukebox all night looooong.