Why cultivate on your chops what grows wild and free around your nadgers? :^)
Had a moustache once, but it kept filling up with strange matter, had an aversion to being waxed and eventually went up in flames when I was fire-eating (creating a blister the size of a saveloy in my left nostril). Since then I too have been clean-shaven.
I'm tempted by a beard now that age is catching up and the distinguished grey look appeals, but there are too many bald patches on my face and neck so I look like a scraggy tomcat after a week of not shaving.