Reuters - 14:30 - FOLK MURDER TRIAL OPENS IN DISARRAY

The trial of famed folk singer, Condolezza Schwartz, opened today in a flurry of briefs and counterbriefs. Judge Punch N. Ellow adjourned the day's proceedings after the first quarter of an hour, citing the extraordinary move made by the National Security Agency (NSA), which has filed an amicus curiae ("friend of the court") brief in the controversial murder trial, immediately prompting her own attorney, Dave Whiplash, to call for a mistrial.

Following the adjournment of the court, attorneys for the defence and the prosecution appeared on CNN's "Catfight!" and traded barbs. In particular, the Defense Attorney repeated over and over again: "Where's the Beef?" when the Prosecutor, Henry Thomasina was forced to admit that two of the star witnesses were missing, and that the forensic evidence on the murder victim had unaccountably become mislaid by the F.B.I.

Files by local and international correspondents. Check out our "Where's the Beef?" website, and links!