JUDGE ELLOW: Thank you, Mr, Thomasina. Opening statement for the defense?

DAVE WHIPLASH:"Thank you Your Honor, and members of the Jury. Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to cast your minds back to a turbulent period in our nation's history -- while I can see that some of the male members of the jury might possibly have been around at the time, it is obvious that the lady members are far too young to know whereof I speak" (muffled laughter from audience, simpers from lady jury members) "so you will forgive me for having to paint a more extensive picture.

It was a tempesttost time for the ship of our state, when the surges of destiny tore at the sinews of our people. A new generation, struggling to be heard, perhaps misguided, perhaps truer than even they knew, looking back at it through the telescope of historical perspective. One commentator once said that the only permanent contribution to Western Civilization from the 1960s was the salad bar. But we beg to differ!!!! It was a time of dreams, a time of nightmares; it was the best of the New York Times; it was the worst of Time-Life Records, which has the whole era captured on 20 Cds that" --- (interruption from junior clerk at defense table, Whiplash recovers himself, continues)

"As I was saying, it was a time when people dropped in and plugged out! And at the forefront, well, towards the forefront, but certainly not at the backfront of" -- (further interruption from junior clerk) -- "O.K., O.K., I am getting there - "

JUDGE ELLOW: "Do you need a brief recess, Mr. Whiplash?"

DAVE WHIPLASH: "No your honor, there has just been a few pages misstapled from our presentation. " (Puts hand in pocket, top of silver flask can just be seen, but thinks better of it, returns to sheet)

"So, Ladies and Gentlemen, in the front lines, the trenches of the struggle for human liberty in this era, an era of butterflies turning into bombers in the sky, and the Star Spangled Banner being mangled by electric guitarists on American soil, one figure stands out, one of many standouts with guitars, but in her own way figuratively speaking a figure of her time, who can figure it? But wherever the Zeitgeist moved, there moved this figure, The Lady With The Guitar, Our Lady of the Burning Chords, clothed in white samite, mystic wonderful, I give you, Ladies and Gentlemen, CONDOLEZZA SCHWARTZ!!!!!!!!
(a burst of applause fills the room. Condolezza, wearing a tearstained leather-and lace outfit of demure simplicity, nods her head in sad acknowledgement. The Judge hammers his gavel fiercely" ---

JUDGE: "Order in this court. This is not the Follies Bergere!! This is a court of law, and I would remind counsel for the defence that time is passing!!!"

DAVE WHIPLASH: "Precisely, Judge, and members of the Jury. Time is passing. We are no longer in that era. It is as dead as, well, as that creature who committed suicide by jumping under that bus" -- (interruption from junior clerk, Whiplash nods). " But more of that later, Your Honour. Time is passing. When we consider the long stretch of time between then and now, images rise and fade like mountains sinking and valleys rising. Who can forget the Presidency of Gerald Ford? What of the BeeGees, and what ever happened to Cyndi Lauper? Ars brevis, vita longa -- Art is short, life is long, members of the jury....."