Morty, I once knew a guy whose dad had died when he was 13....and many years later we were both working at the same summer job and i asked him how his dad had died....and he said his dad had hung himself...and I of course was sorry I had asked...he said it was ok...but you could still hear the bitterness poisoning his tongue....

Now having danced with this devil a bit myself...I guess that is one of the few things that have ever stopped me from going to the next life...the pain I would cause to those I loved...even at those deep times when I would feel no one cares for me...that it was just my time to go...I would envision the pain I would cause to my grandparents and others....and it stayed my hand...

Take care, Morty....I do not know exactly what happened, sweetie...but that is ok...you have my best wishes...and nevermind that shit from Hollywood...they know as much about the "afterlife" as Britney Spears does about folk music....