Spaw - I see nothing in the song "Space Oddity" which suggests that Major Tom, the astronaut, was in any way psychotic. He was no doubt depressed at being hopelessly marooned in space, but in no way was he psychotic. He appears to have had a loving relationship with his wife, and a strong sense of duty to his job.

I think your repeated attempts at damaging Major Tom's reputation are simply a stratagem aimed at deflecting people's attention from your own special brand of psychosis, as follows....

1. At an early age you became aware that you were not very well endowed in the area of the genitalia. You were, in fact, tiny.

2. Your frantic attempts to conceal this fact led to various forms of increasingly disturbed behaviour as you approached puberty (about 50 or so years ago...).

3. You began inventing bizarre characters, such as Cletus and the Reg Boya...characters who were even more disturbed than yourself. This helped you feel more normal in comparison.

4. You invented more and more fanciful stories about the enormous size of your phallus, and simultaneously accused other males of falling short in that area. The "bridge" story comes to mind....

5. You developed strange fetishes, such as blowing up a possum's ass, and implied that those who do NOT do such things are the ones who are sick! This was transference of the most blatant sort.

6. Your mind had now become seriously unhinged, leading to a Jeckyl & Hide type of fractured personality...capable of, on one occasion, deeply sensitive and thoughtful postings, and on the next, bizarre rantings and obscenity-laden, vomitous blather....consult your contributions to the MAV threads alone for numerous examples of this.

It sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it?

But don't despair. There actually are men out there in the world with even smaller genitals than yours who have achieved a happy and stable married life...

Like, there's this guy in Singapore who married a hummingbird. They're doing great. It's no "fly by night" relationship, either.

My suggestion is, just accept who you are, learn to love yourself, and abandon these profitless attempts to inflate your own reputation at the expense of others'.

One other thing you can do to shore up any nagging doubts about your masculinity is rent as many videos as you can of the original Star Trek series with William Shatner...and WATCH HIS EVERY MOVE! The guy is the apotheosis of masculine splendour. If you study Shatner long enough and hard enough, you can overcome any mere physical limitations and become the stud you've always dreamed of being.

Why d' ya think the guy breeds horses, anway???

'Nuff said.

- LH