THE TATTOOED LADY
(Paddy Roberts)

Well I was a bit of a lad I admit,
My past was a trifle shady.
Until in the end I went right round the bend
And married a tattooed lady.
I immediately saw there were pictures galore,
On ev'ry available corner
As I studied her frame, very soon I became
An expert in flora and fauna

On one of her feet, you were liable to meet
A Master of Hounds in his habit.
While right round her waist, in impeccable taste,
Was a python devouring a rabbit.
On the back of each knee was a small chimpanzee,
On her thigh was a Knight of The Garter
And just for a laugh they had put on her calf
Eight bars of the Moonlight Sonata

One evening I found as I ambled around
I was feeling an absolute Charlie
'Cos I couldn't be sure if the sketch on her jaw
Was Picasso or Salvador Dali
I loved all the ships on one side of her hips
The view in Peru on the other.
But I was struck dumb when I found on her tum
A caricature of her mother
Well this was much more than a man can endure,
Though I made the most earnest endeavour.
So I scuttled away, and I'm happy to say
It was Ta ta tattoo for ever,
Ta ta tattoo for ever,
Ta ta tattoo (2 bar run) for ever

Paddy Roberts' "Tattooed Lady" (from memory)
cf. Groucho Marx "Lydia the Tattooed Lady"