I cannae believe "Scotland th' Brave haes nae earned mair vitriol than twa oor three mentions... Th' rest o' ye hae ne'er suffered thro' an entire day on some blisterin'-hot fairgroond durin' th' Highland Games, listenin' tae twenty-hunnert blastit pipers playin' it up, doon, sideways, an' taegither in terrifyin' degrees o' unison an' lack thereof. An' th' few guid pipers whae avoid it oot o' some deep moral fortitude are bound tae hae some Braveheart-T-shirt-wearin' eejit walk up wi' liquid refreshment in hand, askin' them tae play "The Old Spice Song..."

Th' mere SICHT o' "Carrickfergus," "She Moved Thro' The Fair," oor "Athenrye" on a cd oor cassette label is eno' tae mak me drop a recording back intae th' bin an' run screamin' frae ony music shop. "Danny Boy" wis INDEED wrichten in Tin Pan Alley an' I ance tortured a piper friend in a moment o' deviltry by playin' it on th' theramin at a children's museum in front o' her. If her young son wisnae there with us, I'm sure she'd o' murdered me richt then an' there. Noo, I'm basically a gourmand an' willin' tae endure muckle tae spread th' gospel o' what music can dae for folks, but tho' I cringe tae admit ma ain snobbery, I'm layin' it doon richt here for a' tae see. An' I'm muckle obliged for th' opportunity!

This may be a wee bit obscure, but if I gae tae ane mair Gaelic-only ceilidh whaur folk are singin' "Fear a' Bhata," (The boatman) I'm gang tae find th' puir sot's wee boatie an' drill holes in it. Ane o' th' women in oor circle wrocht a parody called "Fear a' Bhainne", ("The Milkman") which wis hysterical.

Yirs amang th' guid, bad an' ugly,

--Cuilionn