You might be an armchair patriot if........

1. You didn't own a Flag prior to 9/11.

One of the flags I own was carried by me as the leader of the Idaho delegation of Viet Nam veterans at our Homecoming Parade in Washington D.C - November 1982.

2. When you went into buy a flag, you had to ask the sales clerk which one was the American flag. (This is definitive. No need to read further).

See #1

3. You don't know what the 13 stripes or 50 stars are for.

My state is one of those stars and the men in my last outfit probably came from most of those fifty - and my Best Friend was from one of the original 13 - and to further our study here - the Marine rifle company I was assigned to in July of 1966 shed the red part of that symbol. Did you know that the point element of my company died in under 30 seconds?

4. You think the purpose of Memorial and Veterans Day is so Sears can have a blockbuster sale. And get mad when all the parades tie up traffic.

And then have the gall to not consider hiring one of those the days are for because they aren't "normal."

5. You have never registered to vote.

I turned 21 the week my company died on the DMZ in Viet Nam. First thing I did when I got home was register - and vote every year. Never have voted for the person that won - until Mr. Clinton.

6. You have ever lied so you wouldn't have to serve on a jury.

I didn't have to - my disability was too high for "problems" associated with my service to MY country - I was dismissed.

7. You really meant to give blood but there was a game on TV you really couldn't miss.

Know what Gammaglobulin is? The first troops in Viet Nam got this stuff shot in out asses in the millions of units. That was before they figured out that minute amounts of it would mess you up. I can't give blood. But then maybe the blood out of my hands that occurred as I pulled the red hot chunk of steel out of Ira Jones leg at DaNang during a mortar attack would count?

8. You're not sure what the Bill of Rights is but think it's probably not a good idea.

Don't even fucking go there with me. And I consider myself a liberal.

9. You think that anyone who disagrees with the president should be deported.

This outfit was founded on disagreement. I like it.

10. You are registered but have never bothered to vote.

See #5

11. You worry a lot about dependence of Mid East Oil while you drive to the Rally for America in your SUV. Alone. Because your spouse needed stop at Public on the way home and you didn't want to have to wait.

I worry about alternative modes of transportation as I drive my Harley wherever I want to. Until things change they will stay the same.

12. You think "My Country Right or Wrong" is silly because it's impossible for the US to be wrong.

I don't think - I fucking know that when I was in the middle of a shit hole fire fight I didn't give a good God Damn about whether or not my country was right or wrong - I was too Damned worried about living for the next 30 seconds or so. And so will the world after this show gets the curtain raised.

13. You think that the solution is to nuke Somebody. Anybody. Bagdad, Kabul, Cairo, Miami.

The sloution is so complicated that I have yet to meet any one person that has it figured out yet - and it will take generations for those same solutions to have an impact/effect. Little Hawk, and others, are right about the humanitarian piece of this as are the rest about the killing that is coming.

14 You just figured out that the Star Spangled Banner was the National Anthem, not the NFL/ NCAA theme song.

And I don't give a flying shit what anyone says - the last line of the National Anthem is, "Gentlemen Start You Engines." It epitomizes what I fought for.

15. You think radio talk show hosts are a reliable source of information about American History. Extra credit if you feel the same way about "People Magazine" and Jay Leno and David Letterman.

Yeah and I am going to get to chat with Jeff Gordon - all I have to do is get on line at noon - real personal and all. Skewed at best. And Bill Mahar is a joke. He should have been left on PBS where no one noticed.

16. You fully support the statement: "What's good for General Motors is good for the USA"

I've always owned GM, except for my Ford and Harleys, so I don't know what to think about this. Maybe I don't care. Is it OK that I don't care about some things?

17. You think that what we really need to do is get rid of all those foreign looking types. Even if they have lived in here for a few generations.

My best friend mentioned above? Did I mention that he was blown to bits at a shitty little river crossing where some NVA Mortar team had their shit together and put one down the hatch of his Amtrack? And that his parents were from Latvia? And that his older brother was killed by German mortar fire in 1944 as his parents ran from the Germans?

18. Before 9/11, you thought Afghanistan was somewhere in South America. Which you though was somewhere near Africa. Or maybe Japan.

Or did I sit and cry as I watched the young Russian troops die in their own Viet Nam.

But leave the rest of us out of your silly little diatribes. Childish name calling solves exactly nothing.

No shit.

Steve Neff
US Marines
1962-1967
Viet Nam 65-66