On NPR a few months ago, they had an interview with a man who had, after extensively surveying the public about what they most liked and disliked about music, "scientifically" composed what were allegedly the world's most and least appealing songs. Oddly, I remember nothing about the "good" song, but (perversely) I *loved* the "bad" song which was some 20 minutes long ("people hate long songs") and included a children's chorus ("95% of people don't like them") and a screechy-voiced opera singer ("most people hate opera") doing a rap song ("76% of people dislike rap music intensely") about Labor Day ("no one sings Labor Day carols") to a bagpipe accompaniment.

Any road, after reading the above messages, it occurred to me that, based on the songs people remember singing as children, someone could write a sure-fire all-time-hit kid's song, if they would only remember to include the following statistically favored elements:

• Gory death, preferably of a teacher
• A vague, snicker-y reference to sex
• Bodily fluids
• A lady with an alligator purse
• Worms, snakes, or eels
• A strong rhyme scheme
• A baby
• Disgusting, tainted, or poisoned food

So, if anyone is bored today and wants to write the world's most appealing kids' song today, here's their chance...

:-)