I remember this remarkable thread. Many 'Catters, including me, didn't post in it but my guess is that many 'Catters, including me, found it fascinating. I'm in awe at the level of honesty some people were able to reach in it. Thank you very much.

Honesty, tact, truth, candidness, insight, clarity, acceptance and tolerance, compassion toward oneself and others- there are so many facets to the subject.

However, there is one point I would make: sometimes when someone makes a remark that stings, it is helpful to realize that sometimes you were meant to be only a pair of ears, it may not have been directed at you at all. For instance, when a slim person says in dismay, "I've gained three pounds- I've got to start watching what I eat", she is measuring herself by how she wants to think of herself; she is not telling you that you need to watch what you eat. The same thing is true of many other remarks and actions.

The older I get the less time I have for hurt feelings. As long as I can see where it's coming from and why (and one always does eventually), I refuse to be hurt.

On the other hand, when I hurt someone else it is almost invariably a lashing out in reaction before I have had time to assimilate a hurtful thing. There is where I want to get better; there is what causes my remorse. The quick, loaded retort is my downfall.

Ebbie