Jerry, I can totally relate to what you are saying.
I use to do things for others because I thought people would love me if I was a good person.
Underneath that thought was a foundation of 'I am not worthy of love'. I felt I had to earn the love I received.
So I stopped doing things for other, I started doing things for myself. And at the same time I also started to realize through lots of digging and releasing old crap that I am loved, just as I am. That I need do nothing more than be Bonnie to be loved. That I am of value and worth without having to prove it.
So now I am back to doing things for other, but my giving is coming from a better place. I now do things for others because I feel loved and I have more space and energy to love others the same.

Little Neo