THE GREAT AMERICAN BUM

Come all you jolly jokers if you want to have some fun,
And listen while I relate the tale of the Great American Bum.
From the east and west and north and south, like a swarm of bees they come.
They sleep in the dirt and they wear a shirt that's dirty and full of crumb*.

CHORUS: I am a bum, a jolly old bum, and I live like a royal Turk,
And I have good luck and I bum all my chuck, and to heck with the man that works!

It's early in the mornin', when the dew is on the ground,
The bum arises from his nest and gazes all around.
While goin' east, they're loaded, and goin' west, sealed tight.
I reckon we'll have to ride aboard the fast express tonight!

(Chorus)

I beat my way from Frisco to the rockbound coast of Maine,
From Canada to Mexico, and then all the way back again.
Well, I met a man the other day that I never had met before,
And he asked me if I wanted a job a-shovelin' iron ore.
I asked him what the wages was, and he said ten cents a ton.
I said, "Old fellow, go scratch yer-----neck; I'd rather be on the bum!"

(Chorus)

Oh, lady, would you be kind enough to give me somethin' to eat?
A piece of bread and butter, and a tender slice of meat.
Some apple pie and custard, just to tickle me appetite,
For really I'm so hungry, don't know where I'll sleep tonight!

(Chorus)

* "crumb" or "crumbs" here are not little scraps of bread or cake; they're body lice. The adjective "crumby" is "lousy" in the literal sense.
DRO+

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Note from Joe Offer (12 Dec 2014): This is the version recorded by Cisco Houston on the 1953 Folkways album, 900 Miles and other R.R. Songs.