I was reading the double-entendre thread and thought of one of the songs I sing. I looked for it in the DT intending to refer to it rather than type it out .. but I couldn't find it. So here's the lyrics

COTTAGE FOR SALE

Come all you rakish gentlemen come listen to my tale
I have a cottage neat and snug I'm putting up for sale
It's in a pleasant valley with a rising hill above
And a crystal stream of water is a running through a grove

Chorus: Come occupy my cottage for it is in good repair
it has a pleasant entrance and will suit you to a hair

The first was a rich old alderman that cottage did engage
He thought himself so stiff and strong though 80 years of age
He fumbled long till he was tired and said "Alas my dear"
"I'm doubled up and cannot stand, nor yet can find the door"

Chorus

The next was a fat old Quaker man with all his "thees" and "thous"
"And for to take this cottage oh the spirit moves me now"
But he could not get in at all for such a paunch had he
And from his breeches pocket he could not pull the key

Chorus

Next came a handsome sailor bold with golden locks in store
And soon within my cottage that jolly jack tar was moored
He roamed the cottage up and down and turned things all about
Until he got quite giddy and then he tumbled out

Chorus

And then came a brave young soldier that cottage did desire
And he demanded entrance or else he said he'd fire
He marched in like a hero bold, the door was opened wide
His pouch and ammunition and his balls he left outside

Chorus

So all young men and bachelors come hasten be in time
Come and view my cottage for you'll find it snug and prime
The roof is well thatched over, though the entrance neat and plain
All whoever's entered there has wished to go again

Chorus