From the outside looking in...

I was once a young man's supervisor. He sat with me in the office one day and poured his heart out. Seemed he'd had one of those one-night affairs while his wife had been out of town, and he felt horrible about it. He asked what he should do. He talked, cried, talked some more, and finally answered his own question. He could not NOT tell her, To hell with the possibility she might throw him out of the house - he couldn't stand the thought of a lie remaining between them. She got very, VERY pissed off, but they were still together 15 years later, and still in love.

They had known each other since childhood, and were best friends before they were married. I think the pedestal, the blindness of being in love, gets in the way, and if you don't start out as friends, or find a way to become friends after the honeymoon phase wears off, you're in trouble. I think sometimes people come out of that phase, and find they don't like the person they married very much.

I never found a guy I could love both romantically and as a friend - it's always been one or the other. I don't think it's a very easy thing to do, but the combination is what makes marriages that last, and are happy. There are two whole and separate people, who trust one another and choose to share their lives. Wish we could all find that sort of love.