Well, no, I am not Mudshark. I left my wife and child over 2 years ago. Went to start a thread once, not too long after I left, but never posted it. Never really talked about it here till recently. Nor have I ever posted anonymously. I am unashamedly me, always.

I won't post my story, though I've told it to a few Mudcatters I've met, and probably will continue to do so. I will say this though. I was married for 8 years, committed for 10. My daughter is now 11, and yes, I'm only 29. It took everything I had to walk away. And I realize now that it was the best thing I could have done for all of us. If anything, maybe I should have done it sooner.

I believe that when marriages start to go bad, the whole thing becomes incredibly and exponentially destructive. It hurts everyone involved more, and over a longer period of time to stay for reasons of responsibility or fear of what people think or guilt. The worst injustice is to sacrifice your happiness for some metaphysical concept. I could not let my child watch us be unhappy. I could not teach her that this was acceptable. I could not let her see spite, I could not let her see someone getting walked all over. I could not let her see resentment, hate.

Counseling did not help us. Nor is it really necessarily supposed to. Counselors are simply well educated arbitrators. In my case, our counselor confirmed that too much was wrong to be able to fix without starting over and changing completely. It happens, and it is supposed to happen. My mechanic is supposed to fix my car, but he says it will cost more to fix than it is worth. Hell, people choose to put their beloved pets to sleep because the treatment is too expensive. Counselors can't fix everyone.

Marriage is a religious concept. Marriage is a legal concept. Marriage is a moral concept. Marriage is a commitment to another, and so on. These various definitions do not agree with each other. When we get into these circumstances where things are just not working out, we get really upset and confused because of this. The whole concept is too rigid, and dogmatic. Marriage is a word. Marriage is not love. Marriage is not parenthood. Love is love, and a parent is a parent.

I take care of my child. My relationship with her has improved since I left. There was resentment there before. I was unhappy in my marriage, I was married because I had a child, it's a no-brainer that there would be psychological implications. Staying for the wrong reasons is just wrong, and it cost me at least a year, maybe two, maybe more with the bond that is father and child, or mother and child for that matter.

My advice? Have some balls. Sure, it is probably going to take everything you have to get do this, to get through this. But your cheating yourself, albeit slowly, and your wife and especially your child if you "tough it out" for stupid reasons. Be a real person first, one that you yourself are proud of, then everything else. All we can really ever do, especially with our children, is to show by example. Our kids will take note of that before any of our words. I want my daughter to see me for what I believe in…

We are here to be happy. (period)