What It Was Was Football

It was back last October, I believe it was. We was a-goin' to hold a tent service off at this college town, and we got there about dinner time on Saturday. And different ones of us thought that we ought to get us a mouthful to eat before that we set up the tent. And so we got off of the truck and followed this little bunch of people through this small little bitty patch of woods there, and we came up on a big sign. It says, "Get somethin' to eat here." And I went up and got me two hot dogs and a big orange drink, and before that I could take ary mouthful of that food, this whole raft of people come up around me and got me to where I couldn't eat nothin', up like, and I dropped my big orange drink. I did. Well, friends, they commenced to move, and there wa'n't so much that I could do but move with 'em.

Well, we commenced to go through all kinds of doors and gates and I don't know what-all, and I looked up over one of 'em and it says, "North Gate." And we kept on a-goin' through there, and pretty soon we come up on a young boy and he says, "Ticket, please." And I says, "Friend, I don't have a ticket; I don't even know where it is that I'm a-goin'!" I did. Well, he says, "Come on out as quick as you can." And I says, "I'll do 'er; I'll turn right around the first chance I get."

Well, we kept on a-movin' through there, and pretty soon everybody got where it was that they was a-goin', because they parted and I could see pretty good. I could. And what I seen was this whole raft of people a-settin' on these two banks and a-lookin' at one another across this pretty little green cow pasture. Well, they was.

And somebody had took and drawed white lines all over it and drove posts in it, and I don't know what all, and I looked down there and I seen five or six convicts a-runnin' up and down and a-blowin' whistles. They was. And then I looked down there and I seen these pretty girls a-wearin' these little bitty short dresses and a-dancin' around, and so I set down, and thought I'd see what it was that was a-goin' to happen. I did.

And about the time I got set down good, I looked down there and I seen thirty or forty men come runnin' out of one end of a great big outhouse down there. They did! And everybody where I was a-settin' got up and hollered! And about that time thirty or forty come runnin' out of the other end of that outhouse, and the other bankful, they got up and hollered. And I asked this fella that was a-sittin' beside of me, I says, "Friend, what is it that they're a-hollerin' for?" Well, he whopped me on the back and he says, "Buddy, have a drink!" Well, I says, "I believe I will have another big orange." And I got it and set back down.

And when I got there again I seen that them men had got in two little bitty bunches down there, they had, real close together, and they voted. They did. They voted and elected one man apiece, and them two men come out in the middle of that cow pasture and shook hands like they hadn't seen one another in a long time. And then a convict came over to where they was a-standin', and he took out a quarter and they commenced to odd-man right there! They did. Well, after a while I seen what it was that they was odd-mannin' for. It was that both bunchesful of them men wanted this funny lookin' little pumpkin to play with. They did, and I know, friends, that they couldn't have eat it because they kicked it the whole evenin' and it never busted.

Both anyhow, what I was a-tellin' was, that both bunchesful wanted that thing. And one bunch got it and it made the other bunch just as mad as they could be! And, friends, I seen that evenin' the awfulest fight that I have ever have seen in my life. I did! They would run at one-another. and kick one-another, and throw one another down, and stomp on one another, and griiind their feet in one another, and I don't know what-all, and just as fast as one of 'em would get hurt, they'd tote him off and run another'n on!

Well, they done that as long as I set there, but pretty soon this boy that had said "Ticket, please," he come up to me and he says, "Friend, you're gonna have to leave because it is that you don't have a ticket." And I says, "Well, all right." And I got up and left. And I don't know, friends, to this day, what it was that they was a-doin' down there, but I have studied about it, and I think that it's some kindly of a contest where they see which bunchful of them men can take that pumpkin and run from one end of that cow pasture to the other'n without either gettin' knocked down or steppin' in somethin'.

Spaw