Carol, I wish I had been there. I'd have stood beside you shoulder to shoulder. I'd have gotten inside the hearts of the people who did that and gotten them thinking. I am sorry that the only way, apparently, that you could deal with that situation was in an adversarial way-- that they put you in that position. I am sorry that you seem to have lacked allies from among the "opposing" side.

I think one of the greatest reasons for having diversity among our friendships is that sometimes we need someone on the "inside" to help us see what is happening, and how to shift it.

Hardi and I often play that role in our community-- when someone is getting a raw deal from some quarter, we reach out to advocate for them. It often involves offering pastoral resources and caring to the "oppressor," who so often is stuck in some rigidity of their own and who has failed to see the truth of the person they are making into an adversary or target. I don't mean that we "work our connections"-- often these are people we don't even know at the outset. But we do try to help sort out things when we can, and we go to great lengths to maintain enough neutrality in the community that we can be seen as safe and non-toxic to every group out there.

When we talk to our colleagues in our denomination (Episcopal), we find that this approach happens more often than we had thought. It is not always done by the clergy, either, or even necessarily by a Christian-- but many communities seem to have someone who acts informally as a mediator of upsets and unfairness, and who has the trust of the community even when conflict is high.

I think communities need more people who can take that middle place and create bridges with people opposing each other over a firing line.

~Susan