I'd like to make a very subtle tweak to your postulation and Amos', if I may, Steve. While I think you're both right that giving others the power to hurt one is a choice we make, and we have control over whether or not we make that choice, I also think that in order for true intimacy to take place with another, one has to be willing to make oneself vulnerable to that person.

Hopefully, one has chosen carefully whom to trust in this way, and the other person will never willingly take advantage of this vulnerability in a way that causes hurt. And hopefully, if one finde that the other is, in fact, taking advantage of it and is causing hurt, one would remove oneself from harm's way. And hopefully one can take responsibility for having made the decision to trust, and not blame the other person if hurt does take place.

However, in order for a relationship to be healthy and viable, it is necessary for there to be intimacy and trust.