To his wife said the sharp-eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
Has your west tit the least bit
The best of your east tit,
Or is it a fault of perspective?

You can smoke a symbolic cigar.
You can ride in a long, sexy car.
But a phallic church steeple,
To sensible people,
Is stretching the thing rather far.

Now everyone wants a butch guy.
That's a fact that we cannot deny.
But between butch and bitch
Is such a small switch --
Just the difference between U and I!

There was once an old man of great fame,
Who, when asked how he did with a dame,
Said, "In order to please her,
I reversed Julius Caesar:
I saw, I conquered, I came."

From the crypt of the church at St Giles
There came shrieks that resounded for miles.
Said the priest, "Goodness gracious!
Dear Brother Ignatius
Forgets that the Bishop has piles."