The one about Lou Duva reminds me of a friend who had a lovely country house with a large glassed-in room facing South; he claimed the advantage in the wintertime (and I quote) was that you didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn to see the sun rise.

The one about the kite-flyers reminds me of Rory o'the Glen, from I believe either Roger Zelazny or Larry Niven. Very funny!

And I especially like the tallywhacker in the vise. There ought to be a Lorena Bobbitt reference in there somewhere...

So, OK, not new, but I've been running into people who haven't heard it...this is my favorite sexist joke:
Q: Why don't women have brains?
A: Because they don't have a scrotum to carry'm around in!