I always wondered why there was so much toilet paper to be seen along railway tracks......

And on the same note....

A train is travelling at speed between London and York. Suddenly it screeches to a halt, throwing passengers, luggage and conductors alike into a heaving mass. The driver announces that someone has pulled the communications cord and that the train won't move until they find who it was and help them out. As they go up and down the train, the cannot see which cord has been pulled, until one of the guards checks the toilets.

'Are you OK in there?'

'No.... I've got piles.....' The guard looks a bit askance....

'Sir, did you pull the communication cord, just because of piles?'

'Yes'

'But sir, I have piles too, the driver has piles, and I daresay a lot of the other passengers have them as well!'

'Yes, but yours aren't wrapped around the axle!'

LTS