Jaysus … I can hardly tear myself away from this particular challenge! Hopefully this will be the last one … though no doubt some ribald parody will suggest itself when I'm least expecting.

To the tune of "(Take Her Up To) Monto"

BACK OF THE OASIS
I'm going to the wood-o
The crack it will be good-o
I'm really in the mood-o
Pull my pud!
I'm standing to attention
At the very mention
Of the main intention
Drain the spuds!

CHORUS
Back of the Oasis
Cover faces
Don't leave any traces
Langeroo … to you

It''ll be a hoolie
Nancy in her wollies
Really fills my goolies
Pump, pump, pump
I would even rather
She wore a balaclava
Gets me in a lather
Hump, hump, hump

CHORUS

Don't reveal your vadge or
Liberate your tadger
In front of the badgers
Or a TV crew
You'll hear some muffled snickers
As you drop your knickers
And then they'll show the pictures
On the evening news

CHORUS

Nancy's in position
Favoured by the Mission
And the breeze is swishing
Around my rear
Shall we do a swap, love?
Me to go on top, love?
C'mon, up you hop, love
Sit on here!

CHORUS

As they watch a replay
I hear some oul' glipe say
"Look at the arse on him, hey!
The big, fat whale"
Which causes me to stammer
"You dirty oul' back stabber
It takes a quare big hammer
To drive a big nail!"

CHORUS

To finish off my ditty
A flash of Nancy's titty
And then – oh what a pity!
We'll wander home
And so concludes the peep show
Meatshow, freakshow
If you want another treatshow
Grow your own!

CHORUS