Xanax. I know what you mean, Bob. Xanex (generic = alprazolam) is a benzodiazepine based central nervous system depressant prescribed as a tranquilizer. Quite effective. Also highly addictive. The psychiatrist who prescribed it for me specified that I take a fairly whopping dose every six hours, with a double dose at bedtime. This left me comatose. After of couple of days of this, on my own, I cut the doses in half. I was still pretty mellow, but at least I wasn't constantly falling asleep with my nose in my porridge.

Barbara works at the Seattle Public Library, and she brought home an armload of books that I asked for: on depression, on panic attacks, and on various kinds of related drugs. As a patient, I am a general pain in the ass, because I like to be informed and I ask doctors a lot of questions. From my reading I learned that benzodiazepine tranquilizers are highly addictive. The shrink hadn't told me that. And when I brought it up, he assured me that it wasn't true, and urged me to keep taking it, well beyond the point where I felt that I needed it. I knew better. I wanted to get off the stuff. My counselor supported me in my efforts, but she had to go gently because, although she had degrees in social work and family counseling, she didn't have an MD following her name. I kept taking it, but in reduced doses, much to the psychiatrist's disapproval. Then I began to spread the doses out, going eight hours instead of six. I talked the pharmacist into giving me the same amount, but in tablets of smaller dosages. I started breaking the .25 mg. tablets in half, then began cutting the halves in half with a very sharp pen-knife blade (tricky), every week sneaking the daily dose down by minuscule amounts. The hardest one to get rid of was the one just before going to bed. No panic or anything like that, I just couldn't get to sleep. But after a few days, no problem.

All in all, I was on it for about four years. I've heard that some people never get off of it. I guess if you need it, you need it. Panic attacks can be a real horror. But I never, ever want to be hooked on anything again!

A good, general book with a lot of solid, practical advice: Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide by Gillian Butler, Ph.D., and Tony Hope, M.D., Oxford University Press, Oxford & New York, 1995. This is not some airy-fairy self-help book, it's rock-solid and down-to-earth. With the Xanax, I found Chapter 27, "Tranquilizers and How to Stop Taking Them" especially helpful.

I am not saying "don't' follow your doctor's advice." What I am saying is — it's your health. It's your mind. Read. Ask questions. Be a pain in the ass. Be informed!

Don Firth