Ladies and gentlemen

Due to the number of incidents of beard-lock which have occurred over the course of today's proceedings, the organisers would ask that in future, no two beard-wearers be allowed to sit side-by-side.

In addition the following individuals are asked to ensure that at least TWO clean-shaven men (or two women, whether clean-shaven or not) be between them and another beardie at all times :- Ronnie Drew, Joe Burke, Noel Purcell, Charlie Lansborough, Jackie Daly, Barney McKenna.

The comparing of beard-length, thickness, resilience, smelliness, adequacy for use as a soup-strainer, etc. is henceforth forbidden and anyone found indulging in such activities, organising such activities or seeking to gain financially from such activities through gambling will be asked to leave the Drumcree Gathering!