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"From ITN tonight...we investigate claims of irregularities in the administration of The Drumcree MegaSession (c) For World Peace and Mutual Understanding.

Good evening.

Northern Ireland was reeling today from accustaions of irregularities in the administration of The Drumcree MegaSession (c) For World Peace and Mutual Understanding. It appears claims have been made that the session, a cross-community endeavour to bring peace to the divided Province, is biased in its political representation and is therefore not actually elegible for the large amounts of EU funding it has already recieved. Over to our Portadown correspondant, Aine NiCrotch."

Aine NiCrotch: "I'm standing in the campsite at Drumcree, and you can see the stage behind me. The music is silent at the moment as the participants reel in horror at accusations that the session is not fully representative of all the main political parties. The International Fund for Ireland and the Lottery Commission have both requested a full investigation into this. Their funding was given on the basis of an equal-opportunity event, a criteron now called into question. The use of the EU Buckfast Lake is now likely to be suspended. A spokesman for the event told us this evening 'We did our best. We even bought them rainbow-coloured guitar straps, and lots of people had them there paper doves. It's nat our fault. We asked the Alliance Party to come along, but they said we hadn't made any provision for fences they could sit on.'
Orgainisers are now in disussions as to how they can rectify this anomaly. It is thought that if members of the Alliance party change their political status for a short while then the funding could be reapproved, but this is a rather far-fetched idea. Also, the Women's Coalition have threatened to walk out if they get asked to make the tea again. With these latest developments, it is not known if the proposed bodhran decommissioning will go ahead next week. This is Aine NiCrotch, Drumcree, Portydown."