Ahhhh now lads it's the pimple speaking, now, you know your owner is really something when he has a song written about his arse. Little did I think I'd be highlighted in the song archives...

PS... little does David know - the grease doesn't work, I just let him think it does... apart from that be quiet know, I'm busy concentrating on working up a fair size boil ...

I quite like my little ditty, very clever words really. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

My name is David Trimble I'm nifty, neat and nimble
On my backside I've a pimple that festers in July
I can scratch it, I can squeeze it with ointment I can grease it
But the only way to ease it is to go marching with the boys

V) It's just a little orange pimple, so soft and cute and simple
Harmless as a dimple, until the marching season comes
It swells with inflammation causing irritation
How can I sit in negotiations with a pimple on my bum.

I met my loyal Bretheren, a most unhappy gathering
In the sunshine they were sweltering in the churchyard of Drumcree
To march to Ballyoran with drums and banners blowing
They had been stopped from going by the loyal R.U.C

V) And my little Orange pimple grew as hard as any thimble
It was ringing like a cymbal and throbbing like a drum
It swelled with inflammation causing irritation
How could I sit in negotiations with a pimple on me bum

Say I to Sir Hugh Ainsley, 'No matter what your plans may be
And whatever Rupublicans may say this march must be allowed'
Says he 'Don't mind their blether, sit back and enjoy the weather
And we'll all march down together when we get a better crowd'

V) And my little Orange pimple grew as hard as any thimble
It was ringing like a cymbal and throbbing like a drum
It swelled with inflammation causing irritation
How could I sit in negotiations with a pimple on me bum

The people of Garvaghey, you couldn't keep them happy
There were some of them shouting 'Tiocfaidh' though they never say a hen
With the R.U.C before us, their batons waving o'er us
We all sang in a chorus, 'happy days are here again'

V) And my little Orange pimple grew as hard as any thimble
It was ringing like a cymbal and throbbing like a drum
It swelled with inflammation causing irritation
How could I sit in negotiations with a pimple on me bum

Here's a health to Paddy Mayhew, Hugh Ainsley and his gay crew
They showed us what we may do whenever we feel inclined
With them to fight our battles, we'll let our drumbeats rattle
And give each a Drumcree medal with the spelling right this time

V) And my little Orange pimple grew as hard as any thimble
It was ringing like a cymbal and throbbing like a drum
It swelled with inflammation causing irritation
How could I sit in negotiations with a pimple on me bum

My name is David Trimble, I was nifty neat and nimble
My little Orange pimple has grown into a boil
Now I dare not squeeze or scratch it or in any way detach it
For I know I'm for the hatchet if I seem to be disloyal.

And my little Orange pimple, so soft and cute and simple
Harmless as a dimple, until the marching season comes
It swells with inflammation causing irritation
How can I sit in negotiations with a pimple on my bum