Very tough, anon. I wish you well and hope you will seek professional advice. This is not a time for self help or "online instruction". That can be useful once you have found your way, but having a professional to help get you started down the path is essential. Ofttimes good friends or well intentioned folks that have a need to offer guidance do more harm than good in the beginning phases of this difficult journey. You are capable, just get some good help to start. You are breaking bonds that have been forged over a lifetime. I wish you well, and will include in my prayers one for your successful journey.

All the best,

Mick