WYSIWYG says, "People are very smart about using the models that will work, for them, once they know about them and have a safe opportunity to try them out." Not always; some people get stuck in a cycle of doing something that won't work, again and again, and hoping unreasonably that at some point there will be a different outcome. This can be particularly true if one has been raised in a dysfunctional environment. Bravo to you, Anon, for breaking out of your family's cycle of dysfunctionality and for your determination to stay out of it.

My take on this is that you need to make that "staying out of it" a permanent arrangement, for your own well-being. If it were possible for you to tell them you still love them as part of your family but you won't be part of their dysfunctionality, that might be a positive thing... if they don't try to use your love to suck you back into their cycle, rather than simply loving you in return. I'm not sure it's possible for people like that to simply love in return. I'm pretty darned sure it's not possible for them to simply "come to their senses" without a LOT of intervention, counseling, determination to change their own behavior, etc., etc.