If I was planning to be interred (which I'm not) the thing which I would like most to have on my headstone is

A BEER PUMP !

I used to have a book of epitaphs (entitled something like "A book of Grave Humour"). A couple of my favourites were a Mr Thorpe who had "THORPE'S CORPSE" on his tombstone and a village spinster/busybody of whom 'twas recorded something like:

Here lie the bones of Elizabeth Dyas,
Always noisy - very pious.
She reached her three score years and ten,
And gave to the worms what she'd kept from the men.