All must be aware that the true origins of the highland pipes are Irish. Many years ago a noted Irish pipe maker, striving for something new, made an indescribably awful set of pipes. Not having the heart to destroy his handiwork he went in search of somewhat gullible tone deaf banjo player. However, although he couldn't find one, he still had an amazing slice of luck as he stumbled upon a scotsman, somewhat the worse for having a dram or several. The pipe maker realising that there was his main chance sold the offending articles for a modest sum. The Scots then took them to heart and to this day insist on squeezing their squashy parts until painful wails are emitted.

However I do have a couple of friends who play the highland pipes, and a few years ago at a local festival in a walled pub yard they went into a corner to "tune" their pipes. On their return I enquired of one of them if he could tell me the difference between 2 highland pipers tuning their pipes adjacent to a wall, and a couple of drunks uriniting against the same wall. Alas he was not able to do so. I had to inform him that the drunks were more socially acceptable.