Back when I lived and worked in Kennebunkport, Maine (very much a resort town), I collected what the New York Times refers to as "stultifying inanities" -- the stupid things people say when they're on vacation.

For awhile I managed a woodstove shop that housed the local tourist information office out on the back porch, so I kept one ear cocked out there, too. Then I worked in the local hardware store where tourists on the sidewalks kept saying (in both English and French), "Don't go in there -- that's a regular store." (As opposed to all those "irregular" stores on the street!)

Comments ranged from the couple on the bridge overlooking the very tidal river (tourists don't understand tides) who said, "Isn't it nice how they park all the boats going in the same direction," to asking if the woodstoves were gas or electric and do they need a chimney, to the people walking around the hardware store, picking up a hammer and saying to their companion, "Oh look. Our hardware store at home has one just like this."

But my favorite story was the summer person who came into the hardware store looking for something to take rust off metal. I suggested naval jelly and he looked confused and said, "No it's just a bit of surface rust; I can wipe it off with a wet rag." I suggested solvent alcohol so it wouldn't promote further rusting. He again looked confused for a moment, then brightened and announced, "I'll use gin! I have more of it!" and ran out of the store.

Linn