Myself I think those tweakings work well mg. I'll be interested to hear what Larry thinks of them. Songs always come out with rough edges at first, and I notice from what Larry wrote that "This song came to me this morning", which indicates a first draft.

I notice you ended it with an unspoken question - I wondered if that was intentional, it might be rather effective, as a way of leading straight into a discussion.

I've been wondering if it's to an existing tune, or a new one Larry has made up for the occasion. Or has it got a tune as yet?

And Peg, that's a horrible thing to have happened. But I don't think you should assume it's some lurker round the Mudcat. (Though it always could be, we've our share of nasties.) I know I tend to delete that kind of stuff without opening or registering what it's about, but I can imagine that if I'd been writing about something like this on the Cat, I'd be that bit more likely to have a relevant word like that jump out and have me notice it.