To the tune of "The Charladies' Ball" as sung by Frank Harte on ""Daybreak and a Candle-End"

THE UNDERWEAR HAUL
You may talk of your lingerie, wee clothes and undies
Your bras and your knickers, your garters and all
But wait till I tell you of the gas that we had
On the night that we came on the underwear haul
It was down by the docks, that we found a big box
"Shall we have a wee look-see" says I to my mate
The stuff that we spied as we both looked inside
"Oh mother of God" says herself "This is great!"

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was peephole and crotchless (thank God they were spotless)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
And some had no back ... just a string up your bum-crack
The night that we came on the underwear haul

There was some that were tiny and some that were shiny
The sort of oul' yokes that might dampen your bush
There's some you might wear and your oul' derriere
Might be damn near bare and might make your man blush
There was zips, aye and straps and to cup your oul' baps
Some underwired yoke that fair gave me a lift
If my man caught an eyeful of me in this trifle
He'd be asking, no doubt, if I fancied a shift!

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was eyelets and poppers (I near came a cropper)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
And some, truth be toul' wouldn't keep out much coul'
The night that we came on the underwear haul

There was some that were see-through and some that were pee-through
On account of the fact that their gusset was split
"That's handy!" said Mandy "When you're feeling randy
You lift up your skirt and for duty you're fit!"
There was knickers in leather, I'm sure they won't weather
I like to have things that will wash - don't we all
So when all's said and done, it was quare bloody fun
But I'd rather my oul' drawers than the underwear haul

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was satin and ribbons (they were gorgeous, no fibbing!)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
It was gas for a while, but give me the oul' style
Than all that weird gear in the underwear haul