Brilliant, Derry.

I'm feeling out of practice, but here goes:

Secret Agent Provocateur

I'm your local secret agent –
Agent Provocateur
And a tale I've got to tell you
So listen well, for sure
A tale to make you laugh
And not to make you cry
To bring a smile onto your lips
A twinkle to your eye.

Now here's my cover story
I've set up as a shop
Where local lads and lasses
Are likely for to stop
It's not just for the locals
They come from west and east
For we please all the senses
And give the eyes a feast

You can keep Victoria's Secret
And Janet Reger's tame
When you see the stuff we're stocking
The rest don't seem the same
Now I'm sure you've guessed my story
I've dropped hints so you can see
That my undercover story
Sells the finest lingerie

There are arab sheikhs who buy stuff
To kit out their harems
There are kings from foreign countries
Who like to dress their queens
Russian spies have honey traps
And gangsters have their molls
They all love our bras, suspender belts
and lacy baby dolls

Last week our stock was stolen
Thieves made off with a lot
Of Basques and lacy knickers
And other stuff that's hot
They came, they saw, they liked it
They made off in their van
And me a secret agent –
We'll catch them if we can

But catching will prove easy
Like falling off a log
No need to call on Scotland Yard
To search with bloodhound dog
I'll tell you why I'm certain
The stock will all be found
You see every bra was underwired –
Wired up for sound!