People have a hard time saying good things about their families. Parents especially.

That's not really true. I've never experienced anyone having a problem saying nice things about families, particularly those members of it who are no longer with it. It's often much harder to recognise and acknowledge the bad things. It's because we don't like to admit we are the product of that environment and some of it may be inherited or conditioned behaviour - 'I beat my child because my dad beat me and it did me no harm' sort of thing. I look at my father with the benefit of distance and I can see that he was a selfish, bullying, bigotted man who had been conditioned to help people but was constantly fighting against it. He never had the power to say no because deep down, despite his incredible rages, he was actually a coward who would make his children go and do his fighting for him. I look at myself and I can see it's his behaviour to me makes me what I am today, but:~ it's his behaviour to others that ALSO makes me who and what I am today. I inherited his temper, but I try to channel it towards areas that are likely to be non-violent. I inherited his tendancy towards depression too, but unlike me, he wouldn't dream of asking for help or counselling.

Those people here who knew my dad (and there are a few) will now be horrified that I can say such things of a dead man, but I said them when he was alive as well. Death does not instantly deify anyone, it's the life beforehand that leaves the lasting marks.

Having said that, he could be an utterly charming and loving parent, he would bend over backwards to help people if he could, he was generous and organised, he could fix almost anything, he valued the past and honoured his country the best way he could.

LTS