Oh! But It's Great to Be Single
04.06.02

Well you've all heard my stories at least twenty times
Of men that squeeze bread and of pigs that thwart crimes
Of children that die and come back as a bird
Of condoms on bobbins, and others I've heard
But now sit and listen as I sing to you
This story I've learned and I swear that it's true
About two old brothers who picked up two maids
And who got quite an eyeful (but didn't get laid).

Singing, Oh! but it's great to be single
And to do just whatever you please
But we hope that those ladies come back for their clothes
For without them, we fear that they'll freeze

It was Arne, 73, and his brother Oystain
Who lived by themselves up in Sogn og Fjordane
In a little town which all who live there call Flam
And who got taken in by a pretty neat scam
Two ladies they met in a shop down in town
Who were svelte and curvaceous and pleasingly round
In all the right places (where gals ought to be)
And who said, "Der isst more if you boys vant to zee!"

Singing Oh! but it's great to be single (etc)

So they headed for home from that wee little store
And Arne felt he needed Viagra no more
And Oystain was starting to feel it as well
When they came to the home where the brothers did dwell
Then one of the gals (named Maria I think)
Said, "You boys yoost sit der vile I make you a drink"
And Marta, her sister, (I think she's called that)
Started peeling off clothes while the two brothers sat

Singing Oh! (etc)

Then Maria came back with the drinks for the boys
Who were breathing so loud their deaf dog heard the noise
And came running in, drooling, just like Arne and Oy
Who called the old hound with an "Ofer here, boy."
Now the girls had got down to the skimpiest bits
Of their clothing, and Oystain was near having fits
He was whooping and hollering to like wake the dead
But Arne, he just sat there, his face turning red

Singing Oh! (etc)

Now the girls were as God clothed them when they were born
And Arnie and Oy sat in awe at their form
As they jiggled and bounced and they danced round and round
Till one of them asked where the bathroom was found
Then they ran off with giggles to visit the loo
As Arne and Oy sat, wond'ring what they should do
But the time it dragged on, and it dragged on some more
Till at last Arne discovered the unlatched back door

Singing Oh! (etc)

Yes the girls they had flown, naked into the night
Then Oystain discovered a thing not quite right
The money their sister had left in her will
Was all gone from the brothers' bedroom window-sill
But "Oh!" said Oystain, "Vat an evening it's been!
Ve'fe got to find soom vay to do it again!"
And Arnie just smiled and looked kind of askance
Said "excuse me," and went to put on some clean pants

Singing Oh! (etc)

©2002 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.
Please feel free to include in the Mudcat Songbook if you think it's good enough, Áine.

line edited per request by mudelf ;-)