Jane Crumley, the Swimming Team Fool

(Tune: John Henry)

When Jane Crumley was a little baby
A-sittin' on her momma's knee,
She said a ten foot salty on the Varsity Squad,
Is gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord
Gonna be the death of me!

Now Janie grew up to be a swimmer,
And she moved to Darwin town;
And the girls all called her the Dundee Momma
'Cuz she smoked all the boys in the town, Lord Lord,
She smoked all the boys in that town.

Now the big coach said to Jane Crumley,
Gal, you better swim like a fool,
There's a ten foot croc with a hide like rock,
In the starting end of this pool, Lord Lord
The starting end of the pool

But Jane Crumley she said to Coach Davies
I'm the fastest fin in this town
Before I let that salty catch my ass
I will roll right over and drown, Lord, Lord
I will roll right over and drown!

When the starting gun went off that morning
Janie Crumley's suit was brown
But when the days was over, Lord
It was red from the shoulders down, Lord Lord
Bright red fromt he shoulders down.

Now Janie said to her pacer,
Pacer, pour me that tea and cream
'Cuz I'm pouring on hots and I'm cutting five knots,
Just look at that chlorine steam, Lord, Lord
Just look at that chlorine steam.

Now the bugger who raised up that salty,
He thought he was something fine
But Jane Crumley breast-stroked a ten-meter start
Before that salty croc done nine, Lord, lord
Before that croc done nine!

Jane Crumley she dug into the water
She cut it like a razor knife
But five meters short of that finishing line
That salty took her life, Lord Lord
That salty took her life

The salty got hold of one ankle
And Janey just tore herself free
Said I won't make the lap in four nineteen,
But I'll make it in four twenty-three, Lord, Lord
I'll make it in four twenty-three

Now the salty he grabbed Janey's kneecap,
And Janey was just half-alive
Said I won't make the lap in four twenty three,
But I'll make it in four twenty-five, Lord, Lord
I'll make it in four twenty-five!

Now Janey was crossing the finishing line
As the salty pulled her down,
She made four twenty-five as he grabbed her waist,
And she rolled right over and she drown, Lord, Lord
She rolled right over an'  she drowned.

Well they sponged up the rest of Jane Crumley
And they put it on display by the  pool
And every class of freshmen gets to hear that coach say,
"Now there was a true swimming fool, Lord, Lord
There was a true swimming fool!"