"gnu" is to define my being a docile and gentle creature until provoked, whereupon I am suddenly transformed into a Wildebeest. Of course, the transformation can be initiated by alcohol but I prefer the former explanation, as it is less embarrassing than the latter. My cousins, who named me gnu, would have others believe the latter.

There was also "Banana" in my university days, which was to define my being the same mannerly creature who could "go bananas" without notice. Yes, I was asked by many young ladies about the origins of the nickname and never lied.... never had to.... they wouldn't buy it until they had checked for themselves.

Lastly, "Captain Kmart", superhero, fighter of evil, defender of the meek, would appear suddenly in my university residence and dispense justice with a water pistol. For three years, many residents – as many as a score at a time – would chase this phantom throughout the residence and surrounding campus late at night, attempting to steal his power by relieving him of his flowing cape before he could return to his lair or hide the cape for later retrieval. Yes, anyone who could get the Kmart flag from around his neck would be immortalized. None succeeded, for such is the power of the cape. Too bad twenty-five years of smoking have robbed that power. Nowadays, my idea of exercise is a brisk sit; but I still have the cape… and the memories.