The wife dies, they come to get her, and are carrying her on a stretcher across the front yard. The husband standing on the porch, watching. The front man carrying the stretcher backs into a tree and the wife sits up, and is alive. She lives another eight years. But then she dies. They come to get her, carrying her across the yard on a stretcher. The husband is standing on the front porch watching, and he says, "Boys, watch out for that tree."

A horse goes into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Two guys are playing golf, but there are a couple of women ahead of them taking forever to play through. One guy says, "Go tell them to move along or get off the green--I'd tell them, but one is my wife and the other is my mistress." So the other guy goes. Comes back in a minute and says, "It's a small world."

When I was little I told my dad "When I grow up, I'll be a guitar player." He said, "Son, you're going to have to choose."

Difference between a folk musician and a 16" pizza: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Guy goes into a joke. Bartender says, "Free drinks tonight. It's Thursday." Guy says, "Great! Can I get one?" Bartender says, "Sure," then walks away. Doesn't come back. The place is packed, but everyone is crowded to one side of the room. Guy calls the bartender back, asks for a drink. Bartender says, "Oh, sorry. What we do is mix up whatever hasn't sold into a punch on Thursdays. It's free, if you want it." Guy says, "Sounds okay. I'll try it." Bartender walks away again. After a while he calls the bartender, says, "What's the deal? You keep saying there's free drinks. I ask for one, but I don't get it. And if there's free drinks, why am I the only one here at the bar, and everybody's over there? Is this some sort of joke?" Bartender says, "Yeah. And that's the punch line."

HTML line breaks and punctuation added. --JoeClone, 15-Jul-02.