This bloke (no not him, another one) decides he wants a pet, so he goes to the pet shop and says he wants something really unusual, that no one else has. So the pet shop owner says "I've got just the thing for you -- a talking centipede". "Cool -- I'll take it" says the guy. So he heads home with the talking centipede in a little box. When he gets there he puts the box on the table and says "How about I take you to the pub, and we'll have a few beers and a chat, get to know each other." The centipede doesn't say anything, so the guy goes off to get changed. He comes back a while later and says "So, how about it then -- down the pub for a few beers?". Still no reply from the centipede, so the guy goes off and watches TV for a while. Eventually he comes back and says "So, what about going to the pub for a drink?" The centipede says "For fuck's sake, I heard you the first time. I'm putting my shoes on!"

BJ