I seem to recall an old chestnut, about the Rev. Spooner annnouncing the hymn, "The Conquering Kings, Their Kingdoms Come" as the "Kinkering Kongs, Their Condums Come."

I cannot complain, as I am afflicted the same way:

The poet, "Krudyard Ripling"

The mountain of Presidents, "Route Mushmore"

I've "Lowed the Mawn" and "Snuveled the Show"

In Vietnam I asked for a "Cammo and Asualty Report" and hollered "Fut the Wok" as a short round landed near our position. I have described "Cricking Cherpits" on a still night, and a "Mucking Fonster' on another night.

As for malapropisms, I will leave you with my description of a Spanish dance done with castanets as a "Spanish Fiasco".