Coming from a family background of hidden agendas, mixed messages and the kind of soul destroying dishonesty that comes not from what is said but what is felt, what really IS, I have a high regard for honesty...but I think having kids must put you to the wall on this issue daily.

I don't have any of my own, but have dealt with many (and also lots of frgaile, vulnerable adults) and I still think that it is better to err on the side of honesty, if it is dealt with in a loving way, and, as Amos said, with humility. If kids aren't given honesty, how can they learn to BE honest. And also, how can they learn to accept criticism from an uncaring (and sometimes brutally honest) world without undue pain and self-doubt?

I think everybody, kids included, sense when they are being lied to most of the time, at some level, even if not entirely conscious. And yet, the very act of civilizing a child often demands a certain amount of "dishonesty." Anger must learn to be repressed, hurt feelings hidden, the powerful pandered to, the self protected. It also teaches that it's easier to accept dishonesty at face value, often, rather than rock the boat. No wonder maintaining honesty, even to one's self, is such a difficult task.

Lots of interesting things to think about in this thread...