I remember going to lunch at the Washington Navy Yard's O club. The was a gent ther we called "The Napkin Man". He'd stuff his pockets with paper napkins.

To the tune of The Muffin Man: The Napkin Man, The Napkin Man, stuffing his pockets as much as he can!

As to TP, there is no worse feeling than getting down to the core in the middle of "the task". Unless it's having to use the core itself!

Sailors at sea used clam shells, so "quicherbitchin"!