Julie: I'm so sorry about your troubles. What an awful shock.

This reminds me of a story that was told to me by a guy I was with for a couple of years. He had been married for 28 years and then his wife passed away. At one point during their marriage, he had fallen in love – hard – for another woman, and told his wife about it. Her reaction was to tell him that he had a decision to make: whether to stay with his wife in a relationship that had been stable for many years, or throw the marriage away on a chance that his new attraction might not be just a temporary emotional/hormonal phenomenon. After he was thus compelled to think about what his future might (and might not) be with the other woman, he decided to stay in his marriage. From his account and the accounts of his grown children, it was a strong marriage right up to the day his wife died, and I have no doubt that that particular episode played a part in strengthening it, because the wife had the strength and resolve to say, "You can give up the other woman and stay in the marriage if you want to."

Now, I don't know if your situation is similar, Julie, or if your partner has already decided to leave the marriage. But if things have only gotten to the point that he's fallen for someone else and he's in conflict about whether to stay or go, your partnership may yet be salvagable... if you want it to be. I'm just saying that it's possible, because I know of a partnership that was salvaged in similar circumstances.

At any rate, please post again and let us know how you're doing. We do care! In the meantime, please accept another virtual hug: {{{{{JulieF}}}}}

Sharon