Dear MR. Guitar,

Do you know anyone who would like to buy a used backpacker's guitar? It doesn't hold as much as I thought it would. Nor is it at all useful for carrying water.

Maybe I need a new guitar.

And... if I may further impose with a related question--

Will a dreadnought really help with my phobias?

Please respond privately in a plain brown wrapper. In my line of work, sometimes publicity is NOT helpful.

~Burke Innstocke