I play only acoustic guitar, and I always bring a second one with me, all tuned up and ready to go in case I break a string or something. If there are microphones and they fail, I sing and play louder. Or else I sing very quietly to the accompaniment of soft, bare-finger arpeggios, and the room invariably hushes.

Greg, what exactly do you do with the wine and the condoms? Make wine bombs to toss at patrons who won't shut up while you're performing?