A few tough comments and questions offered to one who I think knows I love her dearly....

Well, let's see, does it make more sense to use the resources your country provides, like God only knows how many other people are doing while leading wonderful lives, or does it make more sense to weave together a complicated and very incomplete, ever-shifting tapestry of lots of other people doing little things if and when they can, to help?

And in that tapestry, how do you keep it updated so it's effective? Like our housing offer way back when-- it was solid at the time it was advanced, but now that you have not been here creating a future here, and the room has gone unused, I've found other uses for the room and those uses are creating their own futures.

So I think at a certain point when you are living on the edge, you have to stop planning and considering ideas (and listening to 12 or more people), and DO something, almost ANYhting, that is a concrete step that you will stick with.

We have been going through this with our own daughter now for the last 5 years. Truth is, a time comes, sweetie-- ya gotta get shit or off the pot, because helpers' lives have moved on and those resources that were on hold while you "decided" have expired. Do you start cobbling up other resources or just DEAL with things?

Welfare, which seemed so unacceptable a year ago, is now a plan under heavy consideration (I think-- it's hard to keep up). What if you had swallowed the unwillingness a year ago and gone on welfare then? Would you be healthier now, would you be making a paycheck and looking for larger quarters?

So my question is, what unwillingnesses are you honoring now instead of making a decision and making the best of it till your capacities iomprove? Do you actually have the luxury of preferences, still? If you do-- then what exactly is the emergency we're trying to help with, now?

~Susan