Hi hesperis. I struggled with all of those same doubts and worries when I was in the process of getting my diagnosis for the Social Security disability pension I've been surviving on for the past ten years (it took a while and a lot of perseverence to get that, but it was well worth it).

But I know this... I'm not lazy. I was a full time single mother raising a special needs child pretty much by myself, a fulltime student, and I had a house and yard to look after by myself. I was averaging 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night, and pushing myself way beyond my limits. I'm glad I had an opportunity to find out that laziness had nothing to do with my problems. But by pushing myself so far beyond my limits, I became almost completely bedridden for years as a result. Ten years later, I'm still recovering from the problems I created by pushing myself too hard.

Good luck with all of that. I hope you are able to get whatever services you need. Then maybe the peace of mind you get from that will free up some of your energy for doing other important things.