michaelr, Wow! What a come back!!! You took the words right out of my keyboard. I was just about to post one with similar sentiments that I just started singing. I've had this song waiting in the wings for about twenty years. It's called "Flying Saucers".

Our marriage used to be,
like the sweetest harmony.
Everything was peachy at the start.
But like a rocket to the moon,
it was over much too soon.
The day she hit my head she broke my heart.

(on the record, during this point in the song, between the verse and the chorus, there's the sound of dinner plates crashing and a man's voice moaning. It's not easily reproduced in a live performance so I just yell out OWWW!)

(chorus) Flying saucers, flying saucers, flying from the hands of my wife.
Flying saucers, cups and saucers, are breaking up my happy wedding life.

Last night I sure was blist,
when she threw a plate and missed.
I cried this is goodbye to our romance.
But she pleaded as she said,
tho the plate just missed your head,
I'm your wife and I deserve a second chance.

OWWW!

Chorus

So to science I declare,
for those rockets in the air,
you don't have to look to Jupiter or Mars.
You can solve this mystery.
Find a woman who is free.
Marry her and you will soon be seeing stars.

OOWWWW!

Chorus


Then there's this old tune I do call "Ever Since Eve"

Adam was as happy as a man could be,
till Eve brought up the subject of the apple tree.
He listened to a woman that's a losin' game,
and brother if you try it you will learn the same.

They'll trap you with their glamour when you call around.
Before you know what hit you boy you're altar bound.
And when the preacher says to honor and obey,
it's only you he's talkin' to and how you'll pay.

Chorus: Ever, ever since Eve.
Men have cried while women deceive.
You trust a gal and then she's gone.
Believe me it's been going on.
Ever, oh ever since Eve.

You meet a gal and take her out to dine and dance.
She leads you on, but brother you don't stand a chance.
She'll help you spend your money and when you've got no more,
she's gonna shake your hand, say goodbye and slam the door.

Now, I ain't sayin' women aren't here to stay.
Half the married folks are women, so they say.
But none of them is ever gonna get me hooked.
Cuz brother, when that happens, your goose is cooked.

Chorus

The boys and I are gonna take a holiday.
We're gonna buy a little island far away.
We'll smoke cigars and flick the ashes 'round the tent.
We'll gamble and we'll fish to our heart's content.

We're gonna eat our dinner in our shorts and socks,
and when we're through we'll break the dishes on the the rocks.
There isn't gonna be a woman in the crowd.
We're gonna hang a sign that says, no gals allowed.

Chorus


I think I'll sing both your version and the original song back to back together, just for balance. Why offend half an audience when you can alienate everybody all at once. That's what I always say.